Self-Promotion Follow Up: Shedding a Light on Shyness
13. Jul, 2012 
32 Comments
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A little shy Magnet | by: Tenacious333
Self-Promotion Follow Up: Shedding a Light on Shyness
Shy people are like alien creatures to me. I want to be blonde, thin, and shy. While I could achieve the first two in very unnatural ways, being shy is something you either are or you aren’t. No substance in a bottle could ever make me shy. I have the complete opposite reaction to being nervous—I can’t shut up! I mean, I talk a lot anyway, but if I’m in a situation that makes me nervous, you better listen up and look out ‘cause there is no telling what I’m going to say next. It really makes great fodder for journaling, though, and for speaking to my ladies’ group at church.
I love public speaking, but no matter how many times I go up before a crowd, my knees shake, my stomach turns, I grin idiotically, and I tell my husband’s secrets, lol. Now, my husband is the type who never gets nervous. He is always calm and collected, unless he sees someone hand me a microphone. That poor man. When he tells me “I love you”, I always say, “You must.”
One thing I’ve learned to do whenever I have a problem with something/someone is to analyze myself and figure out what about that person or that situation is problematic for me. As I’ve referenced in other posts, my father was very critical. Not just of me, but of everyone and everything. His father was like that. His father’s father was like that. And you know what? His father’s father’s father was probably like that, too. He loves us. He would die for us. He just wanted to make sure that we were the best we could be (and he wasn’t even military). Getting a “B” on our report cards was not acceptable. He didn’t care if it was my shoe in the living room floor or not; he still expected me to pick it up instead of stepping over it. He obviously did something right, I guess. I didn’t turn out too bad.
So what does that have to do with being shy? Well, for me, it helps me to realize that I get nervous in front of people because I have a fear of criticism. But I refuse to let it stop me. I can guarantee you one thing—no one ever forgets me, lol. I fumble through my nervousness with hearty laughter, saying outlandish things the whole time, touching their arm occasionally, jumping from subject to subject, with seemingly no correlation between the two. I do this when I speak in public, also, except I have no one’s arm to touch behind the podium, so I gesticulate wildly with my hands. What happened in your life to make you shy? Were your parents shy? Did you not get enough attention as a child or maybe too much, so you learned to be quiet and invisible? Of course, you may just be naturally shy and quiet. In either case, you’re reading this article on how to begin overcoming your shyness.
There is a group that helps you ready yourself for public speaking, and there is probably one in your area. Their website can be found at www.toastmasters.com. Now that doesn’t mean that you are going to be behind a podium one day. But the group will allow you to get more comfortable speaking and help you begin to break out of your shy shell.
I also found this wonderful website at www.shakeyourshyness.com. It was written in 2001 so it’s not as “pretty” as www.handmadeology.com, but I found the information to be very solid. It is written by someone who, unlike me, is a recovering “shyster”. There is even a specific section for beating shyness in the business world.
In closing, let me leave you with some words that I share with my children when they have to face an uncomfortable circumstance. “If this is the worst thing that happens in your life, be blessed!” What I mean by that is if you embarrass yourself while trying to overcome your shyness, it’s okay! If you get a “B”, it’s okay. You will live to try again! Just start small. When the next store clerk asks, “How are you today?” take her up on it.
Of course, kids are great at turning things around on you. I had just gotten new slipcovers for our couches and would not let the kids eat while sitting on the couch. My daughter wanted some chili, so I had her sit on the floor. (It’s hardwood.) While I was bringing her the chili, I dropped it and it splattered all over the couch. Insert cute 9-year-old piping in here with, “Well, if that’s the worst thing that happens in your life, be blessed!” What could I do in that situation but laugh?
I hope you found something in this article helpful. I feel like I might as well have been teaching you a foreign language that I don’t even know. But if you didn’t like it, I’m okay with that. I did my best. I made an effort. My intentions were good. Now you know how I feel about it. I’ve given you some information to mull over. I may have stumbled through it, but I’ll live. At least there is no “dislike” button yet.
Alright, all you shy people, leave me some comments and let me know if this was helpful! You asked for it, so now give me some feedback. Don’t be afraid to tell me how you really feel. I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m okay with constructive criticism. (Now where is that nervous twitch emoticon? Lol)
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I am very shy. I also suspect I have a touch of Asperger’s. Only because I am extremely awkward in social situations. Which does not make for a successful sales personality! My other half is a true salesperson, she can sell you the moon and stars and charge extra for the view! And so it is that I am not allowed to speak (much) at our craft shows. I make Book-Inz, she sells them. And she sells them well, which is a bonus for me, but it has also allowed me to retreat further, so that when she needs a break, I panic. I tried your exercise with myself and have come to the realization that because *I* don’t like a sales pitch (I’m a marketer’s worst nightmare), I assume no one else does, either. And when I feel my customer wants the sales pitch, I am so panicked that I can’t even give it. I am a ‘show me how it works’ kind of girl, if I like the way it works, I will buy, otherwise leave me alone. And apparently I created Book-Inz the same way because once people see HOW they work, it’s a mad dash to get one or four. But it HAS to be sold, it has to be demonstrated. And that’s where I fall way short. Your post is timely for me since we’re gearing up for a major festival in a couple months and I am trying to prepare myself for it, I plan on using your tips to train myself beforehand. And to think, my friends don’t think of me as shy at all!
Maybe you could talk to the people while working on one of your products. That might make you more comfortable, being in your element. Of course, it might make you more nervous with people watching you, lol. People do love to see things in action, though.
And it’s okay to tell people “I’m trying to overcome my shyness, so if I stutter, it’s not a speech impediment.” Or something like that. You will probably get lots of feedback as to how they overcame thier shyness, or how they had a child who was really shy, or some other conversation builder. It sounds like the more comfortable you are with a person, the more at ease you are, so find some common ground.
And people love to talk about themselves! Get that person talking, because the more they talk, the more time you have to think about what you are going to say next, while still listening to them, of course. They may present you with a selling-point.
I find that I’m shyest when it comes to promoting my business in person. Online, sure, I’m good with that. But in person, if someone compliments a hat I’m wearing, handing them a business card or engaging in conversation about it makes me want to run away. Who knows how many sales I’ve missed out on because I squeak out a little “Thanks,” then duck away without another word?
As usual, my mind was going 90-to-nothing when I wrote that article and I left out one of the things I wanted to say:
Role-play! (outside of the bedroom)
Get with a friend or your husband (he should be both), and role-play some situations about what to do when someone approaches you or how you can approach others. Do this several times so your responses get to be a “knee-jerk” reaction. Make it a part of your dinner conversation or just other random conversation throughout the day.
You hit the nail on the head perfectly!
Well said, well done- with or without hand gestures!
Thank you! But I have to say, I’m a fast typer, even more so when I have an idea burning up the brain pan, so maybe that counts for my hand gestures?
Great article! I use my very non-shy husband as a front man for me.
A good husband is great thing! I heart my husband!
LOVED the tips -especially working while talking and getting the other person to speak ! Simply brilliant! D you think shyness is hereditary ?- I have two very not shy kids and one that is has to battle with his shyness just like I did at his age
It’s the whole nature vs nurture thing I think. As an adult, I eat vegetables and other things that I abhorred as a child, and now I watch my son have the exact same taste preferences that I did as a youngster, even though I set an excellent example for him.
Thank you for the article. I am uncomfortable being the center of attention but I can get past it but my daughter is a different story. My father said I could have a two way conversation with a stump post and I could handle both parts but she is missing out on life because she is afraid of embarrassing herself. I have tried to encourage her but it is hard. She is an adult now yet she still wants someone else to handle all the tough stuff. I think I am going to be using your phrase on her the next time!!! Thanks
Good luck! It’s important that she be able to deal with tough situations as an adult. She will get to a point in life where she has no one to do them for her, so it’s better to tackle that now while the learning can be on her terms. Once she achieves the goal of handling the “tough stuff”, she will be relieved. Now we just have to convince her….
The older I get the more I have overcome being shy! I remember flunking an interpersonal communication class because I refused to get up in front of my class to give a report—I was too scared that they would laugh at my topic. Now, I get up in front of a class at the gym and the women follow my every move–I go up and talk to complete strangers when I am at art shows. The best advice my father gave me was to “act like you know what you are doing in any situation and people will follow that lead.” Glad to know you are handling your shyness gracefully.
Dads are great for advice!
I failed a six weeks in biology because I refused to do my bug report and my plant report. You know where you have to go find all of those things and pin them to a board? I mean, really? I knew that I was plenty smart, and I just did not care about my grades. But I’ve learned to use my stubborness in better ways these days.
And I have to say, those incomplete bug and plant reports have never cost me a job.
Thank you for the article. I was very shy as a child and now somewhat shy as an adult. My childhood was spent drawing, painting and riding horses-all solitary interests. I went to college to be an acct. exec!(Go figure) Ended up in production-I hated the dog and pony show! If I know you, I’m fine, I can talk forever! But, I’m a terrible sales person. Many people run from a sales pitch, including me-so I have a very hard time with that. That’s why I love Etsy-but it’s hard to promote your self, I’m new and just learning the ropes. Of course if someone asks what I’m up to, I happily tell them and will refer them to my site and my blog-but if they don’t seem interested, or never say anything again-I’m embarrassed! I’ve always thought I was a confident person-but,I’d rather be creating than out and about selling!
Lynn, we are very similar about shyness. I’m a lampworker (glass beads) and do shows all the time. But when people want me to SELL THEM on my product, I’m shy. I have practiced over and over, imagining all kinds of scenarios, but when it comes down to actually DOING it, OMG, I’m horrible.
I’d rather someone else took my beads and sold ‘em out. Fortunately, I find that most people just want my beads without the trappings of a SELLER. I like those people best!
This article spoke to me. I also have a problem with face to face promotion. My mother was that lady who spoke to everyone on line at the grocery store and heaven forbid if we were on one of those long holiday lines at the mall! I died of embarrassment as a teenager when she did that, so I guess that is why I am so shy in public.
I also have aways been put off by people who brag or name drop, so I have always kept my accomplishments to myself, which make sit very difficult to promote my artwork now when I need to.
Diane
Hi Diane,
My kids are embarrassed if I chat with people. I’m ok with chatting about general things, but like you, I don’t like someone who brags either. I just can’t do it!
-Lynn
Same! My mom still talks to EVERYONE!
And I am not a fan of braggers and name droppers. It feels yucky in my stomach to even think of doing the same.
Yes, I think coming across as excited about your product is better than bragging about it. supercalifragilisticexpibragadocious, lol. i’m so witty! is that being excited about my wit or bragging, haha.
At this point, I don’t embarrass my 9 year old and 4 year old. But they have embarrassed me quite a few times, lol. They picked up rather quickly on “hey, let’s talk to everyone in line about the most private details in our life!” But like I say, God knows the truth, what does it matter if anyone else does….
Guess I could have included my site! See!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/poppilinnstudios
Is that ok to post?
-Lynn
I LOVE this article. I have always been terribly shy, to the point that I made others feel awkward because I could’t carry on a conversation. Now I am the complete opposite, where I get nervous and babble on and on about who knows what! Which is what I loved about this article, because I can totally relate. I also gesticulate wildly and make weird faces when I’m having a conversation:)
Thanks soooo much for sharing!
Jamie
Inquiring minds want to know, Jamie–how did you overcome your shyness?
Oh! Melinda! You and I have soooo much in common! And what jusmped out at me was your “fear” of criticism! I am similarly afflicted. And I shouldn’t be! And since I have no problem spouting at the mouth and opening myself up to looking silly, I will remember, from now on, that other’s criticisms are their problem, not mine!
Thank you!
It’s always nice to know I’m not alone in this big wide world! And I’m looking forward to your feature on 5/28 at http://www.insideetsy.blogspot.com. This will give me more ammo for the questions, lol.
Thank you for your article on this subject. I have always been painfully shy. I don’t like having any attention drawn to myself. (My extended family singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me makes me uncomfortable, for goodness sake…) Self promotion is not something I do well– which is a problem when I’m trying to run my own business. (I totally understand the bragging comment above.) I just love to sew and make pretty things! I wish I had a “you” to help me with sales. (I so admire people like you that make social interaction look so easy and fun!) I know I make very well made products thanks to God (He has given me the ability and desire to sew beautiful things), but I lack the personal confidence to ever make a sales pitch… I am trying to get better at social interaction by doing lots of local craft shows, but I’ve got a long way to go! Thanks to your article, I’m now off to read about Shaking my Shyness!!! Wish me luck!!!
Thank you so much for the Tips (~_~)
Laurie, it makes me uncomfortable when people sing me happy birthday too! I don’t know what it is, I just don’t like attention to be focused on me.
I have always been shy – my parents tell me I was born shy, but I think I learned it. I grew up in my brother’s shadow, he has cerebral palsy and was the star everywhere we went. Many of the places we went didn’t allow siblings, and I was expected to sit and play quietly and be unnoticed.
Mostly I am less shy today, but the voice in my head still urges me to stay silent and not draw attention.
It is very hard for me to sell. All I can manage is to smile and say “Hi”, but I know I mostly look unapproachable and unfriendly.
Hi All.
I am not completely shy but I am 100% introvert. I am currently stoked on a couple of different motivating inspir-ers that cater to our kind of people doing business. If you are interested, I recently started checking out:
1)http://bethbuelow.com/
(aka the Introvert Entrepreneur)
2)http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/
(Susan Cain who just wrote the book “Quiet in a world that won’t stop talking” + her TED talk is very empowering)
3)http://www.brenebrown.com/videos/
(Brene’s TED talks are amazing, as is her “ordinary courage blog”. I am just starting one of her books so no comment on that yet).
4)http://www.daniellelaporte.com/the-fire-starter-sessions-danielle-laporte/
(The first chapter of her new book is free to download on the right side of this page)
And that is pretty much what I am currently motivating myself with in order to completely turn myself around and kick-start a whole new online and sales presence very soon). Otherwise, I just try to keep it real and forget about the fact that I am selling, etc and just concentrate on telling folks why I am so excited to be making ___(whatever product I am talking about at the time)___. Because, really, I wouldn’t be taking up every hour of my days making stuff that I wasn’t totally stoked to be making. I use good materials, I pay attention to the details and then I tell people about that – and somehow all of my excitement shines right through me while I talk about what is important to me about my stuff – and people snap it up.
If this or any of these sources help any of you shy and/or introverted entrepreneurs out there, then I am just glad to help out. I just love being stoked by certain real, down-to-earth people who are creating in their own right and support them because they have helped me move forward – closer to my own dreams.
I hate getting the hard sell/sales pitch from other people so I assume that other people will hate it if I do it to them. Hate being seen as a nuisance and pushy. The english, in particular, don’t like being accosted. And, yes, I was chronically shy as a kid. Need to re-think this.
I have always been shy. All three of my kids were shy to begin with. First two grades of school though and they were fine. Now my daughter’s kids are very outspoken. Don’t know, didn’t come from me for sure. My husband (a red head) speaks his mind. My daughter is him all over! My two sons are quiet like me. As an adult to overcome this, I will try to compliment someone beside me to get them to talk. Most times though I prefer not to talk. As a career I have always been a type of customer service if you can believe that! That has helped too.